"Who am I?
What is life?
Why am I here?"
These questions had been revolving in my mind two years ago, when I was exhausted with my job and life cycle - Waking up at 5.30am, drive for 30km with traffic jam, persuading clients in helping me in hitting target, weekends spent on cafe or shopping malls.
Are these what I gonna do for the rest of my life?
Yes, no doubt it does give me high income to sustain my life happily. I can save at least half of my paycheck, but what do I get beside money?
Fortunately, I was learning Japanese since I was during university time. That was the best time I ever had.
I made up my mind for this small dream - to study in Japan for a short period and at the same time, finding what I want in my life. Besides, leaving my comfort zone as I was staying home for 25 years.
Thinking about that, I kind of regretting for not applying other scholarship aggressively right after SPM. My friend shared to me this JPA special scholarship, and I was like, 'ok lo, try lo. get means get lo'.
In the end, I was lucky to get it.
I got things too easily sometime that I take it for granted.
I didn't really study hard for my degree.
Instead of concentrating on my study, I did these:
shopping during break, watch drama, made accessories for sale, posted those super bimbo fb post, involved in student association, rock climbing, hiking etc.
None of these are related to what I was studying. Those were the days where I spent time without thinking much. all I want is fun. I don't have a definite goal and I gave up easily.
I wanted to do fashion design and I gave up because I simply don't have the fashion sense and I'm afraid of failure.
I wanted to do something related to my biomedical science degree, eg: medical scientist. I gave up simply because I was too lazy to think and I don't want to be tied in a lab for my whole life.
All the excuses given to myself and today, I'm so common that I feel bored with my life. At the same time, I feel like a loser as I used to being good in my studies, being praised for being smart. I was like the moderate, not too good and not too bad. To make thing worse, I'm afraid to lose. I have a strong ego that I was hiding really well.
I decided to do something different - quit my job and go somewhere I want
I chose Japan.
Reason: I couldn't really explain why I have this special connection with Japan. Maybe it's because of my dad's ex Japanese company where I got exposed to Japanese culture at young age.
I had good memories.
The memories was so good that I'm in denial to accept that I'm back to the reality.
When I was back to Malaysia, I got depressed. I refused to slur it out as I don't want unnecessary comment from others.
I was indecisive until today.
Today, I decided to make it an end by jotting down all the good three months memories in Japan. I gotta let it go~
I had been holding on it for some time, and it's already half year since I was back from Japan.
那个时代已过去，属于那个时代的一切都不存在了。
那些消逝的岁月，仿佛隔着一块积着灰尘的玻璃，看得到，抓不着。
他一直在怀念着过去的一切。
如果他能冲破那块积着灰尘的玻璃，他会走回早已消逝的岁月。
- 花样年华
I will miss you though.
Yes, no doubt it does give me high income to sustain my life happily. I can save at least half of my paycheck, but what do I get beside money?
Fortunately, I was learning Japanese since I was during university time. That was the best time I ever had.
I made up my mind for this small dream - to study in Japan for a short period and at the same time, finding what I want in my life. Besides, leaving my comfort zone as I was staying home for 25 years.
Thinking about that, I kind of regretting for not applying other scholarship aggressively right after SPM. My friend shared to me this JPA special scholarship, and I was like, 'ok lo, try lo. get means get lo'.
In the end, I was lucky to get it.
I got things too easily sometime that I take it for granted.
I didn't really study hard for my degree.
Instead of concentrating on my study, I did these:
shopping during break, watch drama, made accessories for sale, posted those super bimbo fb post, involved in student association, rock climbing, hiking etc.
None of these are related to what I was studying. Those were the days where I spent time without thinking much. all I want is fun. I don't have a definite goal and I gave up easily.
I wanted to do fashion design and I gave up because I simply don't have the fashion sense and I'm afraid of failure.
I wanted to do something related to my biomedical science degree, eg: medical scientist. I gave up simply because I was too lazy to think and I don't want to be tied in a lab for my whole life.
All the excuses given to myself and today, I'm so common that I feel bored with my life. At the same time, I feel like a loser as I used to being good in my studies, being praised for being smart. I was like the moderate, not too good and not too bad. To make thing worse, I'm afraid to lose. I have a strong ego that I was hiding really well.
I decided to do something different - quit my job and go somewhere I want
I chose Japan.
Reason: I couldn't really explain why I have this special connection with Japan. Maybe it's because of my dad's ex Japanese company where I got exposed to Japanese culture at young age.
I had good memories.
The memories was so good that I'm in denial to accept that I'm back to the reality.
When I was back to Malaysia, I got depressed. I refused to slur it out as I don't want unnecessary comment from others.
I was indecisive until today.
Today, I decided to make it an end by jotting down all the good three months memories in Japan. I gotta let it go~
I had been holding on it for some time, and it's already half year since I was back from Japan.
那个时代已过去，属于那个时代的一切都不存在了。
那些消逝的岁月，仿佛隔着一块积着灰尘的玻璃，看得到，抓不着。
他一直在怀念着过去的一切。
如果他能冲破那块积着灰尘的玻璃，他会走回早已消逝的岁月。
- 花样年华
I will miss you though.
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